was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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