Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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