do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
