Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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