we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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