My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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