Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
