please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I touched a dick in church today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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