My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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