my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
