p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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