got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
