So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
