i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
