It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
