i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
