you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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