these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
