I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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