Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
