he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
