Can Purell be used as lube?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
