Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
