She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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