'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
