Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
