Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
