It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
