Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
