My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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