How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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