I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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