There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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