i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize