No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
