OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
