Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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