so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
