tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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