She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
