Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
