I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize