Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
