I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
