i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
