how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
