The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
