I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
