end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
