Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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