So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
