My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
