No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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