This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His nipple licking is glorious
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