apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
