ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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