pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
