His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
