chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
