I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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