It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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