i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
