that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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