were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
