i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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