So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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