Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
