My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
