That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
