she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
