Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A+ Viking dick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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