I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
