The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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