me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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