he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
