hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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