Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize